I was walking in the park the other day when I came across a golden retriever who was having the best time in the stream. She was trying to get a stick. Well, it wasn't precisely a stick; it was a log, about twenty feet long and maybe 20 inches in circumference. You could tell by the cheerful expression on her face that she was convinced she could get it and drag it to the bank. She would then proudly bring it to her masters, watching from the bridge. This dog tried everything she could to get that log: she chewed chunks off it and wanted to push it with her blond paws and nose. Every time she failed, she kept going - undeterred by the obvious. She did succeed in getting one side of the log onto the bank. Her human parents watched in amusement and finally called her to come to them. She obeyed immediately and trotted up the bank, quite happy that she had gotten the log that far. Those watching her caper unfold admired her enthusiasm and applauded as she approached the bridge, soaking wet but proud of what she had accomplished. She was a dog on a mission, and the idea that it was impossible never entered her K-9 brain. She just had fun and did her best with what she had. That's all she really needed.
I walked away from the bridge and that soggy retriever and thought about how powerful positive thinking is. Having that sort of boundless optimism in our society can be challenging. We're in a world where snarky comments rule social media. Often, the bad seeds yell the loudest and push their own agenda, while the people who come up with new and innovative ideas are either ignored or their ideas are stolen by the head bully. Being positive and thinking outside the box doesn't get you far on shows like The Real Housewives or Survivor. To succeed, you must be willing to stomp on anyone - a buddy or colleague to get ahead. The worst thing about these sorts of shows is that they kill creativity and the importance of true collaboration. In reality, these shows don't show the truth. In act, Mark Burnett, creator of Survivor and countless other shows, refers to them as "unscripted dramas."
Those meltdowns aren't authentic - they are staged because, in the real world, you'd be out on the street speaking to your boss, coworker, friend, or lover like that. But those train wreck moments get ratings and plenty of views on YouTube, and for some, it seems like a logical way to behave to get ahead. You can get hundreds of thousands of clicks, but eventually, it will catch up to you. Unlike the skewed world of reality TV - it can ruin your reputation and even have your children taken away - just ask DaddyOFive - a YouTube channel that showed parents pranking their kids in the name of monetized views, which eventually turned so vicious - child protective services had to be called in.
I like to look at how a simple affirmation can change your life. In the movie Yes Man, Jim Carrey's mundane life is turned upside down when a self-help guru challenges him to say "yes" to the opportunities that come his way. He goes from being a heartbroken, self-imposed shut-in to the fun guy everyone wants to hang out with. He saves a man from jumping off a ledge by using the guitar lessons he's started taking to sing Jumper by Third Eye Blind. He gets his best friend's fiancee to like him when he throws them an engagement party. He suddenly goes on spur-of-the-moment trips on flights to anywhere. He finds love because he breaks out of his comfort zone and meets a woman who, on the surface, would not be his type - a singer in an avant-garde band whose quirkiness inspires him to be a different man. By saying yes to all sorts of possibilities, he becomes a self-realized human willing to meet life head-on rather than run away from it.
I use improvisation for team building, and one of the first rules I give to my students is to never block offers - it's essential to say "Yes, and..." For instance, if I start a scene with, "Hey, it's great that we're finally married and on our honeymoon in Paris," and my scene partner comes back with, "We're not married, and we live in New Jersey!", the scene crashes and burns in the first few seconds before it can even get off the ground. The best improvisers will accept the "offer" and build on it - for instance - "Yes, and I'm so glad that my mother wanted to come with us!" Now, in those first few lines, we're in agreement about our relationship location, and now that person has added another level of the meddling mother-in-law, which is always comedy gold. Not blocking offers is critical to good improvisation but also vital in taking your life and business to the next level.
Tina Fey, one of my comedy goddesses, explores this further in her book Bossy Pants. "Now, in real life, you're not always going to agree with everything that everyone says. But the Rule of Agreement reminds you to 'respect what your partner has created' and at least start from an open-minded place. Start with YES AND... and see where that takes you." She explains that freeing your mind from negativity helps you find new discoveries if you allow yourself to take that chance. "There are no mistakes, only opportunities...Many of the world's greatest discoveries have been by accident. I can look at the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup or Botox."
We've all worked with people who have the mentality of "No, we can't do that," "No, that's not in our budget," or "That's the way we've always done it." If you want to keep the status quo and not grow, don't bring new people in with new ideas. Stay the way you are and stagnate,,; eventually, it will do you in.
I once worked at an international organization where the program staff wanted to take trips overseas for any event they could. It was eating holes in their budget, but they insisted that the frequent trips were necessary to keep up communication with their clients, even if it was not specifically to do training. To minimize the journeys between activities, I suggested teleconferencing from the office in Atlanta so that the overseas clients would get direct contact from our US staff much more often. The cost would be minimal, and the program staff could spend more time at home with their families (albeit they might have to work in the middle of the night to catch clients in Beijing or Nairobi during their workday, but at least they could go home rather than spend 24-hours straight flying and at airports). The Director of Finance was on board with it, but the Program Director threw such a fit that the idea was scrapped. Eventually, the program had to be eliminated because the cost of even doing the twice-a-year face-to-face training overseas was prohibitive. If the Program Director had been on board with teleconferencing, we would have saved her program and increased the number of people she could train. But, she was so hard-wired to not accept anyone's ideas but hers that eventually, she lost her job.
I was working with a business group recently, and we worked on the Yes and... game. The Yes and ... is a good group activity for everyone to brainstorm; many advertising agencies use it. We wanted to figure out how to get the arts out there to more people in the local business community. One of the other facilitators, Sally Corbett, suggested we answer the question, "How do we change the shape of the Dorito?" My next suggestion was to make it flower-shaped, like a daisy. Her next suggestion was to offer dips. My next idea was to have the drops with plant-based colors that were bright and fun. She then suggested that you could break off the petals and dip them. I added that if it was sold with a snack plate like a palette, you could paint on it, and the proceeds could go towards arts organizations. We did it with the group, and they understood that being open to other people's imaginations and building on them is good for business. Think what the brainstorming session for the Chick-fil-A cows must have been like: "Yeah, we could have cows that encourage people to eat chicken because burgers are made from beef." "Yes, and" another colleague would add, "they could be slightly mysterious, a little threatening - " "Yes, and" another staff member would chime in, "They could have really, really bad grammar and handwriting in their signs!" Boom, one of the most successful advertising campaigns ever, was born.
So feel free to say yes if someone invites you to try something new. Give it a try; you might like it. There have been times that I literally went to places or events kicking and screaming, and once I got over myself and relaxed, I was happy that I went. You can sit on the couch anytime with the pets or kids and watch a movie but don't turn down an offer that you know you should take advantage of because it takes you out of your comfort zone and gets you to think outside of your cubical. One of my favorite lines from the movie We Bought a Zoo is when Matt Damon says: "You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. It's just literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it." Yes, and... I couldn't agree more.
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